Where to from here?

So I'm driving a car (metaphor, we all know I haven't got a proper license yet) along a long stretch of road. It feels nice and comfy, there are bumps here and there, but nothing too bad.

Then I come to a fork in the road. I can either:

a) take the long windy exit, or
b) take the motorway.

Which do you take?

Now, if I was driving a real car, which road I take would highly depend on my current situation (i.e. am I late for work? Am I just heading to the park for a bbq with friends?).  Costs of taking the motorway include tolls, but I'll get there quicker, and the costs incurred for taking the long windy exit is more traffic.

I've been thinking about this for the past week, and I still can't make up my mind. It's not really a HUGE thing, but will make a difference to my life during the first half year back at work.

This wasn't really a big issue for me earlier, not until my manager sat down with me and told me to reconsider my options. 

My options are:

a) regular pay (ok. maybe not - I'm sure I'll never stop complaining), regular responsibility, regular commitment. (exit) Pros: Having less opportunities to screw up, doing better than "expected" of my role -> getting better ratings -> higher payrise.
b) higher pay, higher responsibility, high commitment to work. (motorway)

Option A was always my default answer. At least it was until my manager pointed out that I should be aiming for B.

I started off this cadetship being really ambitious and wanting to take on challenges, I mean, I still like to be challenged (but I've seen the extremeness of the challenges at work, and I really don't think I'm up for that sort of stuff), but to a lesser degree.  I want to be able to finish work before 7 everyday, and have a nice dinner, a nice hobby/sport. 

I'm too scared to take on option B, because I know if I screw up, I will screw up big time.

In the long term, it might not make that much difference. I guess. My audit idol (don't laugh, she is a gun), took option B. And sped through the ranks like crazy.

But however much I idolise her, I don't want to end up like her. Ahaha. At the end of the day, I want more than just audit and my dreams, I want to be living my dream (but I also haven't quite figured out what that is).

Ah. I never used to think so much. People used to say "you're set for life!", but I guess there's just so much more we never even considered.  The next few weeks will be decision making time. I don't want to upset my manager, but I don't want to ruin the quality of my life when I start work again.



Next year, I can almost imagine myself standing behind the counter at a coffee shop asking patrons about their day ahead. Busy all morning, intoxicated with the sweet aroma of baked goods and bitter coffee beans. Ahh. A break from the corporate. A break from nasty clients with bad attitudes. A break from "ok guys, what take out should we get for dinner tonight".

Unfortunately, I need good pay to satisfy my monthly bills and other contingent liabilities, so... anyone know a place where they need a part time assistant accountant?  My dad suggested tutoring and I just laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

Then I looked him in the eye, and said "no".



What a long wordy post. Pre-exam procrastination. Not really. Got a call from work this arvo "I know you're on leave, but could you please ........". I couldn't say "screw you guys, i'm going home" because a) I was already home, and b) You can't say no to a friend in need (yes, I now understand why my parents have a problem with me blurring the line between workmate and friend).  And I wasn't studying, but watching a new tvb drama (CHO LAM!!).

OK. I think I'm done.

Till next time!