lacking courage

I don't speak up that often.

It doesn't mean I'm a pushover. It just means I don't often initiate.

But sometimes I wish I did that more often.  If I did, I wouldn't have to waste so much time thinking "so what did this person mean when he/she said thisandthat" and "is it bad that I'm letting thisandthat happen even though its probably not right?" I would be a lot less confused alot of the time.

"What do you want from me"would be a nice place to start. I just wish I could get a straight simple answer.

My mind and judgement have been clouded by all this confusion and lack of confirmation, and its because I don't have to guts to ask.

I get really frustrated thinking about this sometimes, but I never do anything about it, because I realise I feel comfortable. I feel comfortable living in a constant state of ignorance and not knowing for sure. If I did ask and get an answer, it would be one of two things: good outcome, and bad outcome. So with three options placed before me: comfortable, good and bad, I know feeling comfortable will always come first.

This is completely random and irrelevant to most of you, but I just needed to put it out there. To ease my mind and other things.